My two cents worth

1. never ever wash your frying pan, and voila! a free, automatic spicer. no need to add chili or salt or that strange herb that looks like soil.
   
2. i can't taste spices worth shit... i think spices are like those colours that only chicks know. u know, like mauve, and biege, and rose. which sort of negates point A above. so i wash my frying pan anyway.
   
3. KNOW YOUR MBOCH. this is very important. i can not stress how important this is. ignore it, and come home early one day and find your best pair of jeans wrapped so tightly around her fat ass you can see individual threads weeping and gnashing teeth for deliverance or death..
   
4. Chandarana supermarket is your friend. Instant fish, instant meat balls, tomato paste, row after row of canned, microwaveable whateverthefucks, fresh fruit juices at eye-poppingly low prices. its amazing. its just that they give you a hand woven kiondo to carry your stuff in. and not just any loose kiondo-the thing's big enough to carry a fridge.
   
5. Beer goes with everything. it goes especially well with more beer.
   
6. When throwing a bash, ship all your breakable stuff upcountry. a week in advance. take out your carpet cover every existing surface of your house in cling-on wrap.
   
7. if you see one cockroach in your house, call your exterminator. if you see two, leave everything behind-even the clothes on your back and leave the country for a few months.
   
8. ladies have this territorial thing, don't know if its some sort of gland- you check into the loo for a minute and she rubs herself on stuff-i have no clue how it works ... if a chick has been in your house, any other chick WILL know within ten minutes of checking in. its unnerving and creepy in equal proportions. sometimes its creepy and unnerving.
   
9. you can die of the flu.no really, you CAN DIE of the flu. A violent, hacking phlegmy death.
   
10. really, buy more cutlery. one sufuria, one spoon, one fork and one knife do not constitute a kitchen ensemble.
    

Gotta get me this doggy