Conundrum AKA The black man is quite fucked

co·nun·drum (kə-nŭn'drəm)
n.

1. A riddle in which a fanciful question is answered by a pun.
2. A paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma

Africans are really special people. I mean, 3000 years ago, the chinese were busy making silk underwear which i'd wager were alot more comfortable than the raw hide, untreated leather thongs we africans used to sport up until oh, i don't know, 200 years ago?

3000 years ago.

goddamn. that is an almost incomprehensibly long time ago.

were there any africans then?

i think that's about the time a meteor hit west africa with a resounding bang and some loose soot-darkened single cell bacteriumoid came into contact with whereverthefuckthestonecamefromptonite and underwent a 2500 year transformation to become the hip, urban black man that we know and love today.

fuck that evolution story.

so a pal of mine broke it down for me.. africans were content. we didn't need shit, we didn't make shit... if mandingo was hungry he'd just sharpen a stone, attach it to a loose piece of stick and with great wit and cunning... ah fuck it, he just ran the damn antelope down, leapt onto its back and stabbed it repeatedly in the neck until it died.. and mandingo didn't need to remember shit with any accuracy, or tell his pals important messages, so writing wasn't really necessary either. i 'd really love to know how those creationist stories we told ourselves with such sincere conviction came from.

the chinese were also masters in many forms of martial art and could heroically overpower a charging tiger with no shirts on and cigarettes dangling from the sides of their mouth.

i think even veggies came with some loose interaction with some arabs or portugese or some shit... if we'd had our way we'd have barbecued the shit out of wild game till the second coming of jesus. in our leather thongs and ostrich feather sun visors.

before y'all start hating on my anti-blackness, consider the facts and forever hate that dude who said 'the further back you look the further forward you see' because the further back into black history you look, the blacker the blackness surrounding the black man blackens.

but we had the egyptians right? and akina queen of sheba. they even make loose appearances in everyone else's annals. and those other mysterious dudes who built some strange fort like buildings in zimbabwe?

all those dudes are rendered null and void by a cursory glance through any day's local paper. we cannot possibly, in any way be related to the people who built pyramids.

and where did they all go, anyway?

for 20% of your intellectual decadence and mental fibre(or lack thereof) class, discuss.